Preach on brother Will, preach on I cannot hide what I am. I must be sad when I have cause, and smile at no man's jests; eat when I have stomach, and wait for no man's leisure; sleep when I am drowsy and tend to no man's business; laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humor. Yeah. I can only fake the happy for so long. And as far as the "vector bubble" goes.....they can all bite me. Walking through the office door does not make all my problems go away. Getting a high-five from the office manager every morning does not make me jubliant. I doing alright, I am not "excellent and improving." Dance music does not put me in a "positive, upbeat" mood. It annoys me. I will be curteous, maybe even cheerful, on the phone. I will, accidentally, flirt with the male applicants. I will not plaster a fake smile across my face because "the caller can hear the smile in your voice." I don't care how god damn nice I am on the phone, some people just aren't going to come to the interview. They will come because you sounded so great on the phone that now they want to come in and meet you. Bullshit. Some people just aren't going to come in. If I was any nicer to these people, sugar would be coming out of my ass. Whoops, I forgot, that's not language we use in the office. Sugar would be coming out of my butt. Oh sorry....did it again. Sugar would be coming out of my b-u-t-t. Is that better? Maybe I should just mouth the word and point to my ass. I'll try harder next time. posted by Beth 5:41 PM . . . Monday, June 16, 2003 Have I mentioned that I'm insane? Sometimes I'm so crazy it's scary. I watch all those shows on TLC about genetic disorders and so forth. After I saw the one on Dwarfism, I was convinced that I was gonna have a Little Person. I started wondering what I would do. Would I be strong enough to cope with that. Then, for a week after watching the Conjoined Twin special, I was terrified that I would have a conjoined twins. I started wondering what I would do if the babies had to seperated and only one would live....would I be able to choose? No. I wouldn't. See, I get really paranoid over children because ever since I was 3 all I ever really wanted to be was a mommy. I used to ask my mom if I could be a mommy without being married. She said yes. Woohoo! That made me happy because boys were icky. Anyhoo, recently I saw something on MPT about this scientist who did years of research and found that women in their early 20s have a substantially higher chance of becoming pregnant than a women in her 30s or 40s. This has something to do with the deterioration of the cytoplasm in the women's egg. So great, my prime conception time is fastly slipping away. But guess what...this doc also found that if he removed the nucleus (the organelle bearing the genetic material, DNA) from a 20-something's egg and inserted the nucleus from a 30 or 40-something's egg along with her husbands sperm, the chances of the 30 or 40-something actually conceiving increased. Yay! Even if I'm past my prime, a lovely young woman can donate on of her eggs, or the cytoplasm thereof, and help me out. But wait. Apparently certain government officials feel that this procedure is too close to cloning, or that it may help advance the cloning process. Foiled again. So I was watching Maternity Ward on TLC tonight, and there was a lady who was giving her baby up for adoption. A wonderful gesture. One of those 30-somethings could adopt her baby. Perfect. But did this make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Of course not, because I'm slightly off balance. Okay well maybe my scales tipped long ago, but for the sake of arguement, we'll still refer to me as being slightly off balance, okay? Okay. No, I didn't think of how wonderful the adoption process can be. All I could think was what if that mom who gave up her baby boy has a daughter in the next few years. What if her given up boy meets her girl. What if they get together. What if they get married. What if they have babies with 8 eyes, no arms, and gills instead of lungs. What if?? It's possible. Not all adoptive parents tell their child of the adoption. Not all birth mothers keep tabs on their adopted children. Even if the child is adopted and moved out of state, he/she could always move back to the area for college or employment. I think too much. I'll just go to bed now. posted by Beth 11:09 PM . . .
Have I mentioned that I'm insane? Sometimes I'm so crazy it's scary. I watch all those shows on TLC about genetic disorders and so forth. After I saw the one on Dwarfism, I was convinced that I was gonna have a Little Person. I started wondering what I would do. Would I be strong enough to cope with that. Then, for a week after watching the Conjoined Twin special, I was terrified that I would have a conjoined twins. I started wondering what I would do if the babies had to seperated and only one would live....would I be able to choose? No. I wouldn't. See, I get really paranoid over children because ever since I was 3 all I ever really wanted to be was a mommy. I used to ask my mom if I could be a mommy without being married. She said yes. Woohoo! That made me happy because boys were icky. Anyhoo, recently I saw something on MPT about this scientist who did years of research and found that women in their early 20s have a substantially higher chance of becoming pregnant than a women in her 30s or 40s. This has something to do with the deterioration of the cytoplasm in the women's egg. So great, my prime conception time is fastly slipping away. But guess what...this doc also found that if he removed the nucleus (the organelle bearing the genetic material, DNA) from a 20-something's egg and inserted the nucleus from a 30 or 40-something's egg along with her husbands sperm, the chances of the 30 or 40-something actually conceiving increased. Yay! Even if I'm past my prime, a lovely young woman can donate on of her eggs, or the cytoplasm thereof, and help me out. But wait. Apparently certain government officials feel that this procedure is too close to cloning, or that it may help advance the cloning process. Foiled again. So I was watching Maternity Ward on TLC tonight, and there was a lady who was giving her baby up for adoption. A wonderful gesture. One of those 30-somethings could adopt her baby. Perfect. But did this make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Of course not, because I'm slightly off balance. Okay well maybe my scales tipped long ago, but for the sake of arguement, we'll still refer to me as being slightly off balance, okay? Okay. No, I didn't think of how wonderful the adoption process can be. All I could think was what if that mom who gave up her baby boy has a daughter in the next few years. What if her given up boy meets her girl. What if they get together. What if they get married. What if they have babies with 8 eyes, no arms, and gills instead of lungs. What if?? It's possible. Not all adoptive parents tell their child of the adoption. Not all birth mothers keep tabs on their adopted children. Even if the child is adopted and moved out of state, he/she could always move back to the area for college or employment. I think too much. I'll just go to bed now. posted by Beth 11:09 PM . . .
