Lint Trap

Our dryer is broken. With the recent downpouring of rain, I couldn't line dry my clothes like we have been so it was off to the laundry mat. I didn't go to one of the new fancy ones. Oh no, not me. I opted for the ghettofabulous one down the street. Of the 20 washers, 6 worked. That didn't matter tho since I only needed the dryer. There were signs everywhere telling you which dryers worked and which were "broke up pieces of crap." Two of the supposedly working dryers didn't have a door. I choose two fairly clean looking ones that a lady said worked okay as long as you use the highest setting. "Don't worry," she said, "it still won't get hot enough to shrink your clothes."

Watching the clothes spin around was making me dizzy so I took a little tour of the place. There were little hand written signs taped to every possible surface. Here are a few of them. I will leave in the original spelling and grammar because it made me laugh at the time. It's not so funny now tho.

If the machine eats your moneys donut kick it! Or I will kick you outta here permanetly. You are on cameras! This sign was on the detergent/softener machine. I kicked it. I have not been informed as to whether or not I have been banned from the laundry mat. To be fair, the sign does imply that you will only suffer these consequences if the machine takes your money and you kick it. I only kicked it. Gotta love those loop holes.

These machines do not work. Bring your own quarters. Sorry for the convenience, but this is a unattended place and it is hard to fill the machines do to people trying to brake in them. This one was a change machine. Glad I had quarters.

The bath is broke. Do not try to open this door or you will be arrested. You are on cameras. This intrigued me. I guess it's the rebel in me. I just had to try and open that door. I turned the door knob and pulled it open a little. I looked around. No police. I pulled the door all the way open and did a little dance in the doorway. I was expecting to see a corpse or a bloody mess at the least, but there was nothing. I was not arrested. I gave the camera the finger.

Do not go behind this door. You will be arrested. Yeah, yeah. Promises promises. The door was actually a piece of plywood hiding the wires to the front load washers. There were old nasty condoms back there. I didn't want to go back there anyway.

Do not go behind this door. You will be arrested. This door was marked emergency exit. Um, yeah. Okay.

There were several more, all pretty much saying the same thing. Don't go back there, you will be arrested. Don't do this or you will be arrested. You are on cameras! I'm not sure how many cameras there were, but I only saw and flicked off one of them. I have yet to be arrested. Liarfaces!

posted by Beth 11:45 AM . . .

Sweet, sweet girl

I've been having urges. Kill, kill, kill, die, die, die urges. I used to have naughty little throw the salesman down on the oriental rugs fantasies at work. Well, okay I still have those fantasies, but something more sinister is creeping in. Today I gave real thought to ramming an ice pick into someones ear and watching the blood trickle down his face. I don't have an ice pick at work though. Maybe I should add that to my supply list. I don't really dislike this person, it was just a fleeting thought. There and gone again in a blink of an eye. But I thought it. Really thought it. He's just so irritating. Arrgh! Stop using my trash can and stop leaning over my shoulder while you eat whatever in the hell it is you eat. Ew. You're not as clever as you think you are. I'm not a brain dead moron, I can read and everything. Your children are no longer children. They need to get real honest to goodness jobs and stop being so repulsive. I think your daughter has a very serious social disorder. Stop trying to pawn your son off on me.

A pencil would work just as well. I have a pencil....

Did I mention that I'm a sweet, sweet girl?

posted by Beth 11:10 PM . . .

zombie

My monitor died, but it's okay cuz I got me a new one. It's all shiny and flat. Yay.

Last night I went to see Land of the Dead. I liked it - I would tho, wouldn't I? It was funny as most zombie movies are. That being said, remember that zombies are creepy. Organized zombies are creepier. One slow moving stupid zombie is not so tough. A whole herd of slow moving organized zombies?? Well, that's a horse of a different color, isn't it? If I'm ever bit by a zombie (other than Rob) or become zombiefied in any way, please do the humane thing and shoot me in the head.

At the movie I met James and Caleb. Caleb has a tattoo on his neck. I wanted to lick it, but I restrained myself.

posted by Beth 5:25 PM . . .